Marriage and Divorce According to Torah Part 2—A Discussion of Parashah 144

This is the second post or second half of the overall discussion I have for you regarding this week’s Torah Reading of Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

In this post we will cover the teachings of Y’shua Messiah and the Apostle Shaul on our focus passage, and end with a Spirit and Truth application discussion on the content of our Reading for this week.

Let’s re-read our focus passage so as to remind us what’s at stake here in our overall discussion of Parashah 144:

“When a man takes a wife and cohabits with her, it shall be, if she does not find favor in his eyes because he finds some shamefully exposed thing, and he writes her a document of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her away from his house, and she goes out from his house and goes and becomes another man’s, and the second man hates her and writes her a document of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her away from his house, or the second man, who took her to him as wife, dies, her first husband, who sent her away, shall not be able to come back and take her to be his wife after she has been defiled, for it is an abhorrence before the LORD, and you shall not lead the land to offend that the LORD your God is about to give you in estate.” 

1. Our Focus Passage Interpreted Through the Teachings of Y’shua Messiah and the Apostle Shaul 

Robert Alter points out that verses 1-4 of our parshah consists of “one long run-on sentence” that is intended to regulate a “special case of divorce, remarriage and divorce rather than addressing the general predicament of divorce.” This does seem to be the case, at least in part. But we must resist taking this passage out of its biblical context and defer at the very least to that which our Master Y’shua and the Apostle Shaul had to say about this passage.

Let’s consider the following apostolic passages that are associated with our focus passage of Deuteronomy 24:1-4:

Matthew 5:31-32–“It has been said that he that puts away his wife will give to her a writing of divorce. But I say to you that any who puts away his wife aside from a case of fornication makes her commit adultery, and he who takes a divorced woman commits adultery” (AENT). –Here Y’shua clarifies our mitzvah portion or our reading.

Matthew 19: 3-9–“And the Pharisees drew near to Him (Y’shua) there (the border of Yehuda, on the other side of the Yardanan), and were tempting Him and saying, ‘Is it Lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause?’ But He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read, that He who created from the beginning, He created them male and female? And He said, Because of this, a man will leave his father and his mother and will be joined to his wife, and they will be both of them one flesh. Henceforth, they will not be two, rather one flesh. Therefore, what Elohim has united, man should not separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moshe command to give a letter of divorce and to put her away?’ And He said to them, ‘Because of the hardness of your heart, you were allowed to put away your wives. But it was not thus from the beginning. But I say to you that he who leaves his wife without a charge of adultery, and takes another, commits adultery. And he that takes a divorced woman commits adultery'” (cf. 10:2-9; AENT).

Luke 16:18–“Everyone who divorces his wife, and takes another, commits adultery. And everyone who takes a divorced woman, commits adultery” (AENT).

1 Cor. 7:39-40—”A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only to the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God” (ESV).

7:1-3—”Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress” (ESV). 

Hegg focuses in on the term ‘ervah in his commentary and suggests the term must be understood beyond that of adultery. And he takes us back to the previous chapter, 23:14, where the term is used to describe the sanitary condition of the camp that would be unacceptable to Yehovah. So it is suggested that we expand our understanding of the term ‘ervah beyond simple adultery. And he goes further to suggest that ‘ervah as used in our passage has little to do with adultery. And to defend this position, he argues that any woman convicted of adultery would be executed. Any wife believed to have engaged in adultery in which case there were no witnesses, the jilted husband had the recourse of having her put through the ritual of the bitter waters, as promulgated in Numbers 5:11.

And so, with all this said, Hegg contends that ‘ervah as used here in 24:1-4 likely refers to some form of “sexual unchastity which, though not rising to the level of adultery, still constituted sufficient grounds for the dissolution of the marriage.” And he offers the example of some rabbis asserting ‘ervah as used here could include that of a flirtatious wife (b. Gittin 90b).

I guess one could argue one way or the other on this issue. But the bottom line is that in this case, our Master’s interpretation of this passage should be what matters most. And it is there in the incident where Y’shua addresses the challenge put forth to Him by the Pharisees who were trying to trip Him up on matters of Jewish halachah, that Master also takes us all the way back to Genesis where we see that Father never intended for the marriage between a man and a woman to end except in death. The couple was to remain one flesh in service to Him and the Kingdom (Gen. 2:24).

However, it cannot be overlooked that man’s wicked heart is such that an originally intended, permanent institution such as marriage could, and in some situations, must be dissolved. The Pharisees insisted that Moshe “commanded” divorce (Matt. 19:7). And thus Master revealed to them the contrast in perspective they had in comparison to the perspective Yah possessed on the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage. And Master asserts, quite ingeniously I might add, that Moshe did not “command” anyone to divorce his wife. In fact, it was because of the hardness of the Hebrew heart (remember these were and remain a stiffnecked people) that Moshe “permitted” a man to divorce his wife over the issue of adultery, despite divorce not being a factor in Yehovah’s original plan in His institution of marriage.

Now, the regrettable element of divorce as addressed by Torah in Deuteronomy 24 has more to do with ridding sin from the midst of the people and the hardened hearts of the Hebrew men towards their wives. I would suggest that divorce then becomes more of a thing to be ashamed of and something to be avoided at all costs, more than a thing of life-necessity. For nowhere did Abba ever command a man to divorce his wife. He instead left wide open the opportunity for the husband to love his wife unconditionally and maintain the integrity of the marriage in spite of the contrary and even evil ways of his wife. Again, Abba placed tremendous responsibility for the integrity and maintenance of marriage upon the shoulder of the man. As Hegg asserts, “forgiveness and reconciliation are always the greater course to follow.”

As it relates to us, using Y’shua’s clarifying instructions on Deuteronomy 24:1-4, it should be rather clear to any set-apart disciple of Y’shua Messiah, that divorce must always be an extreme last resort for any couple to embark upon. And if by chance the sin of adultery enters into the marriage equation, there are two righteous options to consider:

(1) Reconciliation of the damaged marriage; or

(2) Divorce.

At the end of the day, the significance and permanence of the sacred marriage oath or vow must never be overlooked or marginalized. For the oath or vow clearly promotes that the marriage should be preserved at all costs.

Nevertheless, if divorce is ultimately decided upon, for purposes of living in peace as Shaul mentions in his letter to the Corinthian Messianics, then neither the husband or spouse should remarry until one dies (1 Cor. 7). Although I believe Shaul in his addressing the issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage here in this passage was consistent with Y’shua’s teaching on the subject, Shaul did take some liberties as to what constitutes ‘ervah and the basis for divorce.

And when one reflects on what the apostle says on this very hot topic and the actions that should be taken by the couple to address their marital problems, his counsel appears spiritually rational if taken in its proper context. For Shaul intended that his readers reorient their hearts and minds to walk in obedient covenant with Yehovah and prepare to receive His Kingdom. The cares of this life, as Shaul saw it (to include marital discord), only distracted one from pressing toward the mark or goal of the high calling in Mashiyach (Phi. 3:14).

So the apostle encouraged his followers to remain in whatever life situation they came to Faith in. If marital discord existed, the apostle urged the couple to work through those problems and salvage the relationship. And if peace could not be achieved or maintained within the disciple’s present life-situation—especially as it relates to marriage, and divorce appears to be the only solution to achieving that peace, then by all means divorce. But the apostle encourages neither party to remarry. (View my teaching on this passage to get a full, in-depth understanding of the things Shaul mentions therein. This is a very convoluted and challenging passage that cannot be simply read through. It requires hours of careful, context-driving, prayerful study.)

https://youtu.be/w-6RLIpjPxg

https://youtu.be/D4lLlk72_IY

1. Spirit and Truth Applications of our Torah Reading

Let’s for a moment shed some light and attention on that elephant that is lingering in the room as it relates to this passage. I’m sure some of us have lingering concerns or a feeling that Yehovah favors men in this passage and that He is misogynistic in His treatment of the issue of divorce and remarriage here in our focus passage.

So let’s ask and then answer the following questions:

What if the husband commits adultery or engages in some forbidden sexual relationship? Shouldn’t he be held accountable for his transgression against Torah and his wife? Why does Yehovah only focus on a wife’s transgression and not the husband’s?

Well, the truth of the matter is simply this. The husband who transgresses Torah and cheats on his wife is subject to the penalties and punishments of Torah, which is more times than not, death. So if a husband is found guilty of the sin of adultery, he is subject to the death penalty. He doesn’t get a free pass.

That being said, however, this passage is not about a woman committing adultery which leads her husband to divorce her. It’s about a man, who because of his hardened heart towards his wife, making sure his divorced wife isn’t left to languish in poverty and shame for the rest of her natural life. It’s actually Yehovah who is looking after the divorced woman’s wellbeing here in this passage. This is the love of Torah in action my friends.

So to properly answer these questions, we must first and foremost understand the intentional and spiritual context in which this mitzvah was rendered. Both husband and wife are always subject to the penalties and punishment of Torah in the event either commits unseemly acts. Whether those acts take place within or outside the marriage union. Period. So the husband, like his wife, will always be held accountable for his or her sin.

So why then did Father focus exclusively on the husband divorcing his wife for an unseemly transgression she may have engaged in, as opposed to, conceivably, a husband being divorced by his wife because of an unseemly transgression he engaged in? Quite simply this: Yehovah recognized that He was working with a male dominated society. Whether we see it as right or wrong, men ruled during the time Torah was given. Males ruled nations and communities; as well as they ruled their homes and marriages. Therefore, at least as far as ANE cultures are concerned, no woman would ever be permitted to divorce her husband. For marriages were initiated and dissolved by the man. And as archaic as this may appear to our 21st century sensibilities, that’s just the way it was.

Yes, there was, as stated earlier in our discussion, a tremendous imbalance of power—completely favoring the man/husband–in the marriage relationship in those days. And as also stated earlier, the hardness of a man’s heart toward Yehovah and his wife made this imbalance of power in the marriage, potentially, all the more dangerous for the wife. For conceivably a wife, before this mitzvah was rendered, could be tossed out of her “husband’s home” (yes, the home belonged exclusively to the man/husband, not the woman; and the woman/wife was the exclusive property of the husband. So the husband could do with her as he so pleased). Thus, it was not uncommon for ANE husbands divorcing or putting their wives away for any conceivable reason.

Tragically, a woman who found herself expelled from her husband’s home, would be subject to, for the remainder of her natural life, a life of shame, poverty and vulnerability. She would have no protection and she would be viewed as a pariah in the community. It would seem that most women who found themselves in such an unfortunate life-situation, were forced to move back into her father’s home; assuming (1) her father would take her back, or (2) he was still alive. And even if she were able to find refuge in her father’s home, she was viewed as damaged goods/or property. Few, if any men of the community would risk their reputations in marrying a divorced woman before Torah was given.

And that’s why Yehovah had to step in and provide the divorced wife some form of safety net, through this and similar mitzvot, that might lessen the despair she would potentially face as a divorcee in ANE Hebrew society. So this mitzvah is NOT misogynistic as it may appear to our 21st century mindsets and sensibilities. The focus of this mitzvah is the wife’s wellbeing after she leaves her husband’s home through the instrument of the bill or certificate of divorcement (24:1).

Yehovah intended marriage to be something more than a simple contract or agreement between a man and a woman. The elements–those being the “rights and obligations” of the union that are encumbered by the man and the woman as a result of their union–are supposed to transcend the “arbitrary will of both husband and wife.” For those rights and obligations are dictated by the Creator of the Universe. Hertz describes this as a “higher sphere of duty and conscience” (pg., 931). (Reference last year’s teaching on divorce).

Contrary to anything Rabbinic Judaism has to say on the subject of divorce as derived or as based on the tenets of our Reading for this week, Yah has never commanded any husband to divorce his wife. For the husband, presuming he is walking uprightly before Yehovah in possession of a circumcised heart, will always consider the option to forgive, reconcile, or do whatever is necessary to maintain and or save his marriage, despite what his wife may or may not have done to endanger the sanctity and integrity of the marriage.

When we talk about application of Torah and the prophetic shadow pictures that Torah provides us, as it relates to the critical issue/topic of marriage, divorce and remarriage, we have the brilliant example of the covenant relationship that existed and continues to exist between Yehovah (the husband) and Yisra’el (His wife). We know from biblical history that Yehovah’s wife, Yisra’el, committed adultery and violated the established covenant she had with Him on numerous occasions throughout her history. Yet despite Yisra’el’s repeated violations of the covenant Yehovah had with His bride Yisra’el, He did not abandon her. Oh, Yisra’el went through some tough times of punishment because of her infidelity and during those times it appeared Yehovah had abandoned her. Yehovah states, in somewhat of a metaphorical way, that He did in fact divorce His beloved bride Yisra’el. However, because of His love for Yisra’el, He remained steadfast and true to the covenant he had with her. Therefore, He (Yehovah) still maintains a relationship with her (Yisra’el) as evidenced by the various prophecies scattered throughout scripture of Him fighting yet again for Yisra’el; Yisra’el returning to Yehovah (Teshuvah), having the blinding scales drop from her eyes; and all Yisra’el being saved.

This reality must be a central example to all Yah’s set-apart couples. And that is, despite what has happened to endanger the integrity of a set-apart couple’s marriage, divorce need not be the go-to option for bringing peace to the lives of the husband and wife. As heinous as the sin of adultery may be, Abba does NOT require, nor does He encourage divorce as the remedy to the discord and damage that has been done to the relationship. And this of course must be applied to both husband and wife. For under the Spirit and Truth paradigm of walking in holy covenant relationship with the Almighty, forgiveness and repentance must always be the first and foremost “go-to” solution to such relational crises and troubles. And I would add that it falls to the husband, more so than the wife, to see to it that reconciliation and forgiveness is given a fair chance in the reclaiming of the damaged marriage from the clutches of the enemy. For Yah made marriage to last a lifetime and it was never intended to be dissolved for any reason, with the sole exception of the death of either the husband or the wife.

But what about those situations where either the husband or wife refuses to straighten up and fly right in the relationship? Or what about those tortuous marriage relationships that involve physical and psychological abuse? I don’t believe Yehovah wants His elect to live in chaos and discord. For the Child of the Most High is tasked with serving Yehovah each and every day. And certainly, extreme marital discord has the propensity to hinder that service. And in those cases, Yah provides two options: (1) separation;  or (2) divorce (reference the teaching I did last year on divorce and marriage).  If one just cannot live in peace within the framework of a challenged marriage despite a former separation being in play, then maybe divorce is the only option: at the very least for the wellbeing of both husband and wife and the children. However, the scriptures seem pretty clear, that if the couple does decide to go down the end-game road of divorce, then neither husband or wife is qualified to marry another until their original marriage partner dies. Thus it would seem clear that Yehovah hesitantly permitted divorce, in particular in those situations involving infidelity or some forbidden sexual relationship. And he permitted divorce because the hearts of husbands were generally hardened towards Yehovah and towards their wives. As it relates to any matter other than an ‘ervah matter that would lead a couple to divorce, the scriptures are silent. How one interprets that silence is left up to the individuals involved and Yehovah. And just because scripture is silent on a matter such as this doesn’t mean Yehovah’s people are free to do as they so please.

Again, marriage was originally designed to last the lifetime of the couple. Yehovah hates divorce. And Yehovah never established the institution of divorce, but He recognized that the hearts of husbands were hardened toward their wives and towards Yehovah’s Torah. Yah recognized that the hearts of wives weren’t always pure and loving towards their husbands. Furthermore, every person will individually be required to give an account for their sins. So there’s no point to arguing that our Reading this week is misogynistic: everyone will have to give an account for their sins, whether here on this earth or in the coming judgment. No one gets away with sin. For the wages of sin is death.

This being all said, couples have these and other elements that are connected to the issue of marriage, divorce and remarriage to guide them in their decision whether or not to divorce. And if they do decide to end their marriage relationship, then they must recognize the consequences of what they are about to do: how it will affect them as individuals; their relationship with the Almighty; and their family as a whole. Thus, in dissolving the covenant that was originally established between the divorcing husband and wife before a holy and righteous Elohim, they must be acutely aware that remarriage is not a viable option for either of them. For the husband and wife are forever bound to one another until one dies, regardless what the laws of the land may say otherwise.

However, as tragic as such situations may be, all is not lost. As the Apostle Shaul conveyed to His Corinthian Messianic readers, those who find themselves no longer married will have the divine opportunity to devote their entire lives from that point forward to serving Yehovah and preparing themselves to receive the coming Kingdom, entirely exclusive of searching for another marriage partner.

I must take issue with Hegg’s position on Jewish-based divorce that leads to remarriage. The commentator teaches that in cases of irreconcilable differences—such that the relationship is broken beyond repair—”divorce is allowed and remarriage is honorable.” And that the whole point behind the issuance of a “get” was “Lo, you are permitted to any man” (m. Gittin 9:3, 11). And Hegg interprets this to mean that the “get” system was designed in part to facilitate the legal remarrying of a divorced woman. 

There’s nothing honorable about divorce and remarriage. This is clearly a rabbinic invention to somehow make the dissolution of the Yehovah-ordained institution of marriage seem less than a deplorable situation that should be avoided at all costs. But again, the heart of people is hard and divorce, unfortunately, is all too often the life-choice of far too many people of Faith.

Divorce, in and of itself is not a sin. It becomes a sin when one seeks to dissolve his or her marriage for purposes of fulfilling their selfish, evil desires and preferences (e.g., the husband desires to replace his present wife with a younger, prettier woman; the woman wants to replace her husband with a man who can provide her with the best things in life; or the husband and or the wife simply want to be free from their present marriage in order to pursue his or her own carnal interests.)

Let us never forget Abba’s declaration, through the Prophet Malachi:

“I hate divorce” (2:16). 

Remarriage, on the other hand, is an entirely different animal than divorce. There are no provisions for remarriage in Torah, with the exception of that which is rendered in our focus passage here today. And this provision was rendered as a form of protection for the woman who is sent out of her husband’s home for something she may or may have not done that is of an unseemly or indecent nature. It wasn’t that Yehovah was sanctioning remarriage. Abba was simply working within the framework of established ANE marriage dissolution or divorce and remarriage practices. However, Abba drew the line when it came to the woman returning to and remarrying her first husband. He wanted to make it clear to His set-apart people that women, contrary to the conventional wisdom of that day, were not pieces of property to be handed off between men to be used as they saw fit. They were, in fact, individuals who were to be treated accordingly; loved by their husbands and given respect in the family and in the Hebrew community that is worthy of any  child of the Most High.

As I see it, Torah provides no provision or true instruction for remarriage outside that which is established here in our reading. Yah is silent on the issue. Yet, in His silence on the issue of remarriage, He is fully cognizant that many of his people who enter into divorce will find themselves in a remarrying situation. It’s like anything else, just because Yehovah doesn’t condone a thing such as remarriage, doesn’t mean that He approves of it for His set-apart people. For if every child of His walks in strict covenant obedience in Spirit and in Truth, divorce and remarriage would be a non-issue in our Faith Community. Thus, Yah sees even the divorced couple as still married to one another and essentially ineligible to marry another. Abba doesn’t prohibit divorce, nor does He prohibit remarriage (with the exception of remarriage to the first husband after the death or divorce of the second husband). He recognizes that divorce and remarriage are practices that people enter into and take upon themselves. And these practices are indeed often fraught with terrible consequences and problems as denoted by Shaul in 1 Corinthians 7. So it can safely be concluded that Abba doesn’t approve of divorce or remarriage at all. The only thing He asks us to remember and keep in mind is that which His Son, Y’shua pointed out to the Pharisees of His day:

“Have you not read, that He who created from the beginning, He created them male and female? And He said, Because of this, a man will leave his father and his mother and will be joined to his wife, and they will be both of them one flesh. Henceforth, they will not be two, rather one flesh. Therefore, what Elohim has united, man should not separate” (Mat. 19:4-6). 

Yeshua, our Mashiyach, on the other hand, compels us, His disciples, to understand the issue of divorce and remarriage from a much higher and Godly perspective:

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery” (Luk. 16:18; ESV).

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Mat. 5:31-32; ESV). 

As sons and daughters of the Most High, and as disciples of Y’shua Mashiyach, we have been called to a much higher standard of life and walk. We are compelled not to walk in the ways of this world and in the ways of man and society and community. We are compelled instead to walk in the Way of Covenant and Kingdom. We do have a choice, though. Unfortunately, many will choose, for their own conveniences, both within and outside our Faith community, to divorce and remarry because they can. But just because one can do a thing, doesn’t mean they are operating in the Will of their Creator and in sync with the teachings and example of our Master Y’shua Messiah.

Now, none of any of this is to say that, like the rhetorical couple who enters Faith, learns their marriage or divorce is not God-honoring, and upon coming into such obedient knowledge therein, is thus compelled or required to dissolve their present marriage. It simply means that upon their coming to such righteous knowledge, the couple needs to repent, seek Abba’s forgiveness and then honor Yehovah and remain obedient to His Torah as a covenant walking couple from here-on out. Yehovah is happy to forgive any who comes to Him with a contrite spirit and broken heart, repents and seeks His forgiveness and sins no more. As the Apostle Yochanan wrote:

“If we confess our sins (that is, confess our sins to Yehovah, not to man), He (Yehovah) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Joh. 1:9; ESV). 

I would be remiss at this juncture, however, to mention that, for those who have knowledge of the Truth as relates to marriage and divorce, but who within themselves falsely rationalize that he or she can divorce their spouse and marry the one that best fits their fancy, and then seek forgiveness from Yehovah after the fact, these are essentially setting themselves up for committing the great sin of “high-Handedness” (Num. 15:30).